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Joke of the Day

"Parachute joke if your parachute doesn't deploy, you have the rest of your life to fix it!"

"What kind of toothpaste do MLG use? Pretty much anything, just no Scope."

"What's the best kind of cream... ...to get rid of spots and bug bites? Creamation."

"*snail Olympics* How does it feel? ""Well it took 4 years but I finished the marathon"" And how will you prepare for it again tomorrow? ""What"""

"Apparently, I snore so loudly that it scares everyone... In the car I'm driving."

"""And the rest is history."" -Lazy history teacher"

"Which football team to you need to connect up your computer? Leeds."

"Me: Why can't we feed the animals? Wife: They'll get lazy and dependent and never, ever go away. Me: *looks warily at our kids*"

"Did you hear about the Finn who spent a fortune building a storm cellar in case there was an earthquake."

"bet i can make you wipe your screen"