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Joke of the Day
"If the Terminator was female the line would have been, ""I might be back, I haven't decided yet."""
Next Joke
"A city worker was removing a stray bar extending out in to a sidewalk at forehead level... Thousands of comedians pummeled him to death, and the jokes continued."
"Just had to cut ties with the girl I was dating after I found out we both wanted different things. She wanted a relationship and I wanted a better looking girlfriend."
"What's on the inside of a clean nose? Fingerprints."
"Do they make a scale that says things like ""Those shorts probably weigh, what, like 15 pounds?"""
"All I'm saying is there's a reason all the best love songs have the word crazy in them..."
"What is Tumblr's favourite branch of maths? Trigger-nometry... I'll see myself out."
"It's called a runway. But you taxi there. In a plane. Go home English, you're drunk."
"I only put one eye on my snowman. That way, if it ever comes to life, the lack of depth perception will give me a tactical advantage."
"you become your ""real you"" when you are hunched over eating a burrito on the toilet and you look up and see yourself in the mirror"