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Joke of the Day

"He's an owl with an attitude. She's a hawk who will take him to church. This fall, Sundays become Fundays on ABC's new hit 'Birds of Pray'!"

"""is this the Krusty crab?"" No! This is Patrick!"

"Hey baby, you got an inhaler? Because you got dat Ass-ma."

"Why are cats longer in the evening than they are in the morning? Because they're let out in the evening and taking in in the morning !"

"Bikes are held up by witchcraft if u can ride a bike you are a level 1 wizard & if u can ride a unicycle you are a level 2 dork haha owned"

"Give a man a fish and he'll feed himself for a day. Make the man a fish and you'll feed scientific curiosity for a lifetime."

"Meghan Trainor's business cards' must be pretty simple. Name: No Number: No Affiliation: No Contact address: No"

"Why didn't rail Castro want to be President of Cuba? He didn't want to play second fidel"

"Please don't joke about 9/11, my uncle was on one of the planes. He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia."

"A baby's laugh is one of the most beautiful things a person can hear... ...unless it's 3 a.m., and you're home alone, and you don't have any kids."