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Joke of the Day

"Roadside sign holders are secretly geniuses because they get paid to do something a pole does for nothing."

"What do Trump supporters and child molesters have in common? They both like immature assholes."

"What's a thesaurus's favorite cereal? Synonym Toast Crunch"

"Would you send your son to a school run by someone who insisted on being called ""Headmaster?"""

"For some people, blood on the toothbrush is a sign of gum disease.... ...But for me it's a sign of a healthy abortion."

"I went for a run.... I went for a run but came back home after 5 minutes because I forgot something. I forgot that I'm fat and can't run for more than 5 minutes"

"I just want you all to know, whatever problems you might be having, I'm here to like' them."

"YOGA CLASS INSTRUCTOR: And now we go into downward dog *loud thud GARY WHO IS A T-REX: I'm ok. I'm ok. It's just a bloody nose."

"Really wanted the day off, so I texted my boss... ""What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?"" I'm not coming in this morning. (I got some time off now)"

"I met a dwarf the other day... He was a pretty average guy; a little mean"