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Joke of the Day

"Really wanted the day off, so I texted my boss... ""What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?"" I'm not coming in this morning. (I got some time off now)"

"I have no idea how the cavemen could afford to eat paleo."

"What do you call a rapist in the friendzone? A stalker."

"How many Nazis did it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, despite crimes against humanity they were efficient people and had state of the art engineering."

"Lunch menu at a middle school in Flint, MI: PB&J with some Pb&H20."

"I would never have a threesome. If I wanted to disappoint two people at once I'd have dinner with my parents."

"Flight attendant: ""will you perform exit row duties in the event of an emergency?"" Me: ""yes"" In my head: ""No we're all gonna die"""

"Why are hurricanes named after women? Because they come wet and wild and they leave with your house and your car"

"Speed Dating Tell me something about yourself I have 3 cats What do u do for fun I have 3 cats What are you most proud about I have 3 Next"

"What do people from West Virginia do on Halloween? Pump-Kin"