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Joke of the Day

"*on first date* Did you know that wool sweaters are the closest you can legally come to being inside a sheep?"

"Why can't the band Def Leppard make music anymore? They all lost their hearing"

"Why does little Timmy keep throwing up gang signs? Because he ate too much of them."

"How do you start a rave in Africa? Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling."

"What would you rather be stamped on by a herd of elephants or an angry woman in high heels... At least the elephants you could reason with"

"There was a baby boy born at the hospital without eyelids. So the doctors circumcised him and used his foreskin as eyelids. He's doing fine, he is just a little cockeyed"

"What do you call the mineral found in teeth and tooth enamel? Apatite."

"Little girl: ""Mommy, I want to be a feminist when I grow up."" Mom: ""Well pick one sweetie, you can't do both."""

"Contents of my wallet just spilled all over the cashier's counter, so embarrassing, spiders everywhere."

"Sometimes when my dogs piss me off I put their leashes on them, then I sit on the toilet for 20 mins and make them watch."