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Joke of the Day

"""Hey dude, have you ever considered being a comedian?"" Yes but everyone laughed at me."

"sometimes i sleep naked just in case leonardo dicaprio breaks in and wants to charcoal sketch me"

"What's brown and black and looks good on a hippy? A rottweiller."

"Don't people who say ""cray cray"" realize how stew stew they sound?"

"I've got no home, I haven't got control, and I can't see any escape. I should get a new keyboard."

"My kids had a shirt made for me that says 'father of the year 2014 quarter finalist'."

"me (checkin out at grocery store with 2 rotisserie chickens): hold up *i grab my phone although it didn't ring* sure i'll get 1 more chicken"

"Maybe the cure for cancer is leaving chocolate pudding cups in my fridge for more than 24 hours. We'll never know."

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? It's an obscure number, you have probably never heard of it."

"Why are horses so negative? Because they're nay sayers."