198840

Joke of the Day

"me (checkin out at grocery store with 2 rotisserie chickens): hold up *i grab my phone although it didn't ring* sure i'll get 1 more chicken"

"""I don't want this holiday to end mummy!"" ""Don't worry Madeleine, it won't"""

"My girlfriend said she was in such a foul mood. So I took her to KFC"

"If someone doesn't realize their blinker is still on after one minute their car should explode."

"What's E.T. Stand for? Extra testicle"

"""Ok Noah, that's 2 of everything! Did I see a 3rd sheep in your office tho?"" Nope ""Yea I did, it had lipstick on?"" Nope, raise the anchor"

"He told me I cut my steak like a serial killer, so I whispered ""What makes you think this is steak?"" While I stroked his thigh with a knife."

"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? Bob"

"After having three children I started having trouble remembering their names... So I just called them Eenie, Meanie, and Moiney. I didn't want any Mo."

"What's 6 inches long and starts with a p? ........... a shit (think about it)"