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Joke of the Day

"How many Viet Nam vets does it take to change a light bulb? You don't know? That's right, you *don't* know, because you weren't there, man!"

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"Knock Knock.... Whose there... Fuck you."
"You want the good Dorne plotline... ...but you get da bad pussay"
"[being chased round my house by a murderer] ME: PLEASE STOP THIS IS SENSELESS MURDERER: What? ME: [puts Fitbit on] Ok carry on"
"I went into a pesticide shop and asked the owner if he had anything for flies. Stupid idiot shat in my hand."
"Your momma so dirty she serves more requests than HTTP"
"Something just came up on my computer asking if I trusted it, and now we're running away to start a new life together."
"The only thing I want written on my tombstone is ""I'm standing right behind you."""
"I wonder what the bees inside Wilma Flintstone's vibrator talked about: ""Another fight with Fred? Looks like we're working overtime again."""
"According to tinder, every guy is at a lake holding a fish & every girl is on top of a mountain & that's why it's so tragically hard to meet"