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Joke of the Day

"Divorce Mickey - I want a divorce Minnie - Are you fucking crazy? Mickey - No.. I'm fucking Daisy!"

"Why the Chinese aren't democratic Because their leaders can't bring themselves to say 'We need to have a great election; People will come from all over the country'"

"YOU: Please be aware-- ME: I'm not. I never will be. I've never even SEEN a ""ware"""

"Alcohol and calculus don't mix... ...never drink and derive."

"What was the burglar doing at Wayne Manor? Robin."

"[interview] What is your biggest weakness? ""Sometimes I'm too succinct"" Can you give an example? ""Yes"""

"Why do gay guys dress so well? They spent a lot of time in the closet."

"The only thing my girlfriend blows is everything out of proportion."

"I was gonna make a joke about Alzheimers.. ..but I forgot what it was."

"The past 2 hours I spent at the mall would have been a lot more constructive if I looked for gifts instead of staring at mannequin nipples."