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Joke of the Day

"if going to church has taught me anything, it is that Catholics hate unexpected pterodactyl impressions"

"The only downside to buying diamonds is that you could have bought thousands of tacos instead."

"I asked my North Korean Friend how it was there... He said he couldn't complain"

"Today a man knocked on my door ...and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water."

"A West Virginia State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-79. The trooper asked, ""Got any ID?"" The driver replied, "" 'Bout whut?"""

"what do you call a gay dyslexic? a dyxlixic"

"""Hey, Dad? Why don't you ever tell me you love me?"" the dad looks at his son, smiles, and says, ""You love me."""

"Dr: your father is real sick Woman: [sobbing] how long? [her dad wheelies past on a bmx] Dr: almost six yards that time"

"Why did the egg spill his guts at an AA meeting? He was addicted to crack."

"I watched ""The Edge of Tomorrow"" hundreds of times there seems to be an awful lot of alternative endings though."