28690

Joke of the Day

"At school: Slutty girl: ugh my throat really hurts. Me: I bet your knees do too. Her: what Me: what"

"Barry decided that because he had talked himself out of suicide every other day, today he would do it. Poor fucker always did take opposite day a bit too seriously."

"I broke up with a Japanese girl last week... It sucked, because I had to drop the bomb twice before she got the message."

"The Thing About Godzilla Sex... Is that you can see it coming a mile away."

"What do you call a wolf that's aware of its surroundings? Awarewolf"

"I lost 15 pounds by moving my bathroom scales from a hard surface to carpet! Great success!"

"Valentine's Day makes me realize how single I really am. But I'm still gonna sleep like a baby knowing I'm not getting cheated on."

"What does Eminem and a Tumblr SJW have in common? ""See they can trigger me, but they'll never figure me out"""

"I expected a medal for my bravery when I had a full-leg cast on. Instead, I got atrophy."

"People with guns, asking for your money... ...You've got to hand it to them."