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Joke of the Day

"How do you find Will Smith in a snow storm? You look for fresh prints."

"Die Hard (1988) A shoeless New Yorker murders a bunch of people at his wife's office Christmas party."

"God is like Justin Bieber. I have nothing against him personally, but his fan club is super annoying."

"Everyone romanticizes the past until they get horribly sick and wake up covered in leeches."

"Do you know what matter to me? my nihilism"

"When I'm sad I go to the fabric softener aisle of a store & imagine I'm in the clean mountains surrounded by blue sparkles and wild flowers."

"I wish my girlfriend would stop confusing my chivalry for chauvinism... Pssh... fucking women."

"""I'm your biggest fan."" -- That humongous talking fan you bought from that magician"

"How is a dyslexic stand-up like an MMA fighter who comes home to find his GF in a gangbang? They both punchup the fuckline."

"Don't save a spot for someone who won't make an effort to stay."