198066

Joke of the Day

"When I'm sad I go to the fabric softener aisle of a store & imagine I'm in the clean mountains surrounded by blue sparkles and wild flowers."

"Three stages of life. * Birth * What the hell is going on?!? * Death"

"[paddling along the amazon silently in a kayak] wife: ""it's so beautiful"" me: ""can you believe they named this after a website?"""

"[interview] BOSS: How many words can you type a minute? ME: Probably all of them BOSS: What do you mean? ME: Well, like for example, pickle"

"What do you call a Polish person going down a hill? A Rollie Pollie"

"I like my women how i like my coffee Without a penis"

"Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil..."

"Damn boy, are you wearing an anti-gravity suit? 'Cause I'm not the least bit attracted to you."

"Some days you're the Titanic, some days you're the iceberg, and some days you're the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down."

"Two chemists went into a bar The first one said to the bartender, I want H2O, the second one said I want H2O too. The second one died"