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Joke of the Day

"""You're getting an MFA in English? Wasn't your Bachelor's useless enough for you?"" -second degree burn"

"What's the worst part about fucking your grandma? Banging your head on the coffin lid."

"What's three times worse than OCD? OCD, OCD, OCD. Wait the last time didn't feel right. OCD, OCD, OCD. Wait, the second time didn't feel right. OCD, OCD, OCD. Wait..."

"ME: i'm nervous WIFE: don't be. just be confident [later] BOSS: so do you think you'd be right for the job ME: *confidently* no"

"I asked my hairdresser to take a little bit off. I just really want to see her tits."

"There are 10 kinds of people in the world... People who can read binary and those who can't."

"BUNGEE JUMPING $25 per person. @$$holes get in FREE! No strings attached."

"Men don't ignore us; they have selective hearing. Give them instructions for roasted turkey & they'll remember ""breast, thighs, moist & hot"""

"If it wasn't for the gutter my mind would be homeless."

"When I first met your mom, I fell in love with her because she had a kind face... The kind of face I want to fuck the shit out of!"