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Joke of the Day

"What does a nosey pepper do? Get jalapeno business."

"3 Statisticians Go Hunting They eventually spot a deer. The first shoots 5 meters above his head. The second shoots 5 meters below his head. Then the third yells out ""We Got Him!"""

"It's kinda like i'm a shopaholic but with alcohol instead of clothes."

"Friend asks me to be her maid of honor: M-What do I have to do? F-Well I know you, so I'm expecting very little. Mission accomplished."

"When someone asks if you lost weight, the correct response is always, ""no, it just seems like it to you because you got fatter."""

"Where do terrorists like to go for a drink? The Allahu Ak Bar"

"Judge: ""Reason for divorce?"" Me: ""Reconcilable differences."" Judge: ""Don't you mean irreconcilable?"" Me: ""Ugh. You sound just like her."""

"The doctor said I have Matchbox 20/20 vision . . . Typical RobThomatrist."

"If I had 3 wishes I'd spend them on my daughter. Happiness, success and her very own little shithead who refuses to replace the TP roll."

"What do you call a Mexican Aunt? A tor-tia."