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Joke of the Day

"Friend asks me to be her maid of honor: M-What do I have to do? F-Well I know you, so I'm expecting very little. Mission accomplished."

"What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lickalottapus"

"My dick is good at math. What I'm trying to say is that it's the small things that count."

"Doctors who expect me to pee on command, I'm not some kind of stunt pee-er, you know."

"@realDonaldTrump the 1930s called, they said ""great idea."""

"3yo: what are you eating? me: [mouthful of cookies] vegetables"

"I was sitting on the toilet when todays earthquake hit. The toilet shook like a rollercoaster. It scared the shit out of me."

"Time to be creative. I'll give you the punchline, you give me the joke! A dresser without drawers."

"Grammar Nazi hiding in Argentina captured after being baited on social media with an inappropriate you're usage"

"What do you call a red neck invasion? An incestation"