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Joke of the Day

"When someone asks if you lost weight, the correct response is always, ""no, it just seems like it to you because you got fatter."""

"The holidays are coming. If you do NOT want snakes please send me a notarized letter asking for NO SNAKES. Otherwise you are getting snakes."

"What does 100% humidity mean? Even dry farts feel like wet farts."

"Yeah but how do misinformed people feel about it?"

"Mother: What was the first thing you learned in class? Daughter: How to talk without moving my lips!"

"I'm reading a book about anti-gravity **It's impossible to put down**"

"You can tell a lot about a person by how early their neighbors call the cops on Thanksgiving."

"Why was the kitchen full of awkward sexual tension? Because the pot never called the kettle back."

"How do you tell if somebody doesn't have a smartphone? Just wait, they'll tell you."

"I finally found out how Asians have an upper hand in video games! Squint your eyes. You see much better, right? Well Asians eyes are always squinted!"