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Joke of the Day

"Here's my gym schedule. Monday, cardio. Tuesday, weights. Wednesday, 7 mile bike ride. Thursday, 15 year break. Repeat."

"I don't get why the people in the twin towers were upset on 9/11... I mean, the workers did get razes."

"What was the dog doing on the turnpike? About seven miles an hour."

"I was expelled from school during pajama day. It's not my fault I sleep naked."

"Isn't it odd the way everyone automatically assumes that the goo in soap dispensers is always soap? I like to fill mine with mustard, just to teach people a lesson in trust."

"The girl across from me is on the phone to her boyfriend. I regret nodding when she told him she looked terrible."

"Singer Adele was rushed to the hospital after a fatal car accident Paramedics said they found her rolling in the jeep."

"What did the maggot say to another ? What's a nice maggot like you doing in a joint like this !"

"Why don't quantum physicists have sex? When they find the position, they don't have the momentum. When they have the momentum, they can't find the position."

"Did you hear about the lazy perfume-maker? He made no scents."