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Joke of the Day

"I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life ...if I die next Tuesday."

"My phone got arrested today... It was charged with battery."

"Why isn't Sean Connery an unmarried roofer? He's not a fan of the shingle life."

"What did the duck say after it split the atom ? Quark ! Quark !"

"9 just scolded me at the grocery for buying wine. I told him it was ok, I was 21 to which he loudly responded, Nooo, you're 38. Thanks son."

"Came home and my wife was having sex with some guy in our bed. I confronted her, she denied everything, but I know our bed when I see it."

"When two girls hate each other, they say ""we should DEFINITELY hang out"" and then take turns shouting ""definitely!"" until one of them dies."

"Why did Misty want to sleep with Brock? She saw his Onix harden."

"I'm no gynecologist... But I can take a look."

"How are a grenade and a wife similar? If you pull the ring off it, the house is gone"