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Joke of the Day

"I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life ...if I die next Tuesday."

"tired of people always telling me go to hospital and that i've lost a lot of blood, its my severe head injury not yours stay out of it"

"What's a homophobic congressman's favorite place to swim? In da Nile"

"How did the crazy man get across the forrest? He took the psycho path. ( )"

"What did the power ranger-turned-addict say? It's morphine time!"

"Not now ex-boyfriend. Someone favorited 2 of my tweets. I'm a huge deal around there now & you lost your chance. Just kidding. What time?"

"Officer: do you know why I pulled you over? Me: pass Officer: have you been drinking? Me: pass Officer: You can't just keep.. Me: pass"

"Relationships are just anteing up on each other's crazy until one person decides the pot is too big and folds."

"Why is America home to the majority of comedians? Lax pun control laws."

"Google Assistant gave me that one What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener"