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Joke of the Day

"if i were a white vegan satanist i would constantly say stuff like ""kale satan"" and ""i love the dark gourd"" and nobody would stop me"

"If you were a basketball, could I drive you, and lay you up?"

"A girl told me her exact age."

"Life is like a burrito. If you fill it with too many things it falls apart and then you cry and they kick you out of Chipotle."

"If I was in that Malaysian airplane my wife would find it in 10 minutes.."

"What did one tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing. They're stuck up bitches."

"What do you call someone who finishes a sentence with you? Partner in crime."

"How do you get to Nazi Germany It's on the third right EDIT: Woah this is like my third day here front page? I feel special now."

"I swear to holy hell, Aunt Pat, I would rather lick a midget's taint than accept your invitation to play Lucky Slots."

"What do you call a shape that's always worried? A paranoid. (Wooo maths jokes)"