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Joke of the Day

"Garden Water Features by Lily Pond"

"Ingredients for an apocalypse salad Edive, thyme"

"I just whispered Beetlejuice 3 times and Michael Keaton showed up and asked for a job."

"How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side!!"

"I got a job on a farm.... It was circumcising donkeys, it wasn't too bad, 44 skins a day, with a chance to get ahead, and you could always count on big tips...."

"Did you hear about the magic tractor? It went down a hill and turned into a field"

"Did you hear about the magician who became a farmer? ...he was driving his tractor down the road, and suddenly, he turned into a field."

"Two Calamari Two calamari walk into a pub. Bartender asks, ""What'll ya have?"" ""We'll have a Hurricane and a Sex On the Beach"" says squid A. Bartender pauses and says, ""That'll be three squid then."""

"I typed something into Google on my phone then held it to my ear. I felt stupid at first, but now I'm kinda mad that that doesn't work."

"men are so polite woman in a bikini reveals about 90% of her body.... and yet most men are so polite they only look at the covered parts."