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Joke of the Day

"Clinton's blue firewall... About as secure as her private email server."

"Home alone... Time to teach the neighbors what good music sounds like!"

"My wife and I decided we don't want to have children anymore So anyone who wants one, leave us a number and adress and we will bring you one."

"I keep a second pair of shoes at work, I don't want people to recognize me when I'm pooping."

"I saw a badass preview for a new movie coming out! It said it was called ""U.S. Marines"""

"I want to be so talented and attractive that people are blown away that I'm nice."

"What did the vampire say to the teacher? See ya next period."

"What will fall on the lawn first? An autumn leaf or a Christmas catalogue?"

"What, I'm Asian? *slides off Uggs & infinity scarf inside Starbucks* *buys a bonsai tree*"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Because netizens were showing shallow sympathy for #YulinDogMeatFestival on the other side."