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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about that new movie about Hitler? It's called 2fast2furherious."

"ME: [sees old friend with new wife] Hey congrats on the wedding! Where did you marry? HIM: Maui ME: Oh, sowwy! Where did you mawwy her?"

"I like my women like I like my coffee... ...without a penis."

"TIFU by changing TIFU's meaning to make a joke. Today I fished (for) up-votes by ( insert made up story )."

"Why did the zombie turtle have so much trouble dancing? Rigor tortoise."

"I knew my camping holiday was doomed when I saw the people at the next pitch struggling with a torn ground sheet and bent pegs. It was a portent."

"Why did the scarecrow get an award? Because he was out standing in his field."

"So we no longer say ""please"" and ""thanks"" in the office? Never got the memo. But I did get one saying it's ok to key impolite people's cars."

"""Knok Knock "" -""Knok Knock."" =""Who's there ?"" -""Grandad"" =""Shit, stop the funeral"" credit: Gary Delaney"

"I Like My Coffee Like I Like My Girls Without a penis"