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Joke of the Day

"Why did the zombie turtle have so much trouble dancing? Rigor tortoise."

"What is the similarity between tight rope walking and an old lady giving you head? You don't want to look down."

"My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well... I was amazed, I never knew they worked."

"[walking away from taco truck] WIFE: whats wrong ME: nothing WIFE: did u think the truck would be one giant taco ME: *wiping away tears* no"

"I'd like to tell you a joke about paper... but it's tearable."

"I walked into the gym and see a bunch of ladies working out I ask the guy who is running the gym, ""Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies?"" He smiles says ""Try the ATM in the lobby""."

"Data Today, a CS professor asked us what data is. Apparently, even though technically correct, the plural form of datum was not the answer he had in mind..."

"What did Batman say to The Joker ? I like to Fuck Pigs !! Lol !!"

"If Oliver Stone is being a stone and Michael Bay is being a bay, then what is Anthony Weiner being? Bullied"

"him: who is your fantasy? me: huh? him: who would you like to be stuck in an elevator with? me: the elevator repair man."