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Joke of the Day

"ME: [sees old friend with new wife] Hey congrats on the wedding! Where did you marry? HIM: Maui ME: Oh, sowwy! Where did you mawwy her?"

"What did one snail say to the other? Nothing. They were both decoys."

"Before I do anything important, I always ask myself ""would this gain house points for Gryffindor or lose house points for Gryffindor?"""

"What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons? Jose and Hose B"

"""Describe 2016 in 4 words"" ""That's a tomorrow problem"""

"Neck Tattoos: helping employers make hiring decisions since 1992."

"What do a Feminist and a Broken ATM have in Common? They both can't make any change"

"Why doesn't god like bacon? Because he isn't real."

"Want to know if you're in the wrong relationship? If you were reading this hoping I really had the answer, it's over. You're welcome."

"For Star Wars and Star Trek fans A stormtrooper and a red shirt are in a room. The stormtrooper shoots the red shirt, but misses every shot. The red shirt dies anyway."