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Joke of the Day

"There was a piece of cake in the fridge with a note on it that said, ""Don't eat me."" Now there's an empty plate and a note, ""I don't take orders from a cake."""

"High school prepares you for real life! For example, show choir taught me how to put on eyeliner and lip liner in a car on the freeway"

"I had no shoes and I complained. Until I met a man who had no feet. So I took his shoes."

"Do they have a shitty attitude because they work for minimum wage, or work for minimum wage because they have a shitty attitude?"

"My wife says if this post gets over 1000 upvotes, I can get anal. Please upvote because I want this house to be spotless."

"The residents of Mayberry took a course in computer programming. Whenthe instructor said, ""Compile,"" Gomer went to the head of the class."

"How did Kim Kardashian get her hands on Liberace's bath robe? #GrammysRedCarpet"

"I once sat down with Oprah to discuss my drug use but I was high & that might not have been Oprah because why did she need to borrow money?"

"Why does Santa have no children? Because he only comes once a year. Bonus! Why did Santa's wife divorce him? She wasn't the only one receiving his ""package""."

"Mike said he's breaking up w/ u cause you're not very smart & u have issues Me: OMG I DO NOT HAVE HIS SHOES WE DONT EVEN WEAR THE SAME SIZE"