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Joke of the Day

"Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer? A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold."

"There was an old woman walking her dog A man came up to her and said that's an ugly pig. The woman replied ""Sir, that's not a pig."" The man said ""I was talking to the dog!"""

"Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife left him 4 months ago ^^^^just ^^^^searched ^^^^and ^^^^realized ^^^^this ^^^^is ^^^^heavily ^^^^overused ^^^^and ^^^^reposted ^^^^I'm ^^^^sorry"

"What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass. Ba dum tschhh"

"I'm an old guy, and I fuck at least 3 super hot girls in their mid 20's every week I'm a student loan collector"

"Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They are making headlines."

"3YO: MOMMY HELP HELP! ME *throws cat off lap, drops phone, spills coffee on self, runs up stairs, kicks open door* 3YO: I want a snack."

"On toilet in a stall playin TigerWoods on phone.eagled a par5.Crowd cheered.Pretty sure guy in the next stall thought I just took epic dump"

"[restaurant] ME: Do you have updog? WAITER: [sighs] No sir M: Ok, is this gluten free? W: No you have to pay for it M: Damn you're good"

"What do you call a bored motherfucker? Grandpa"