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Joke of the Day

"Women used to call me ugly until they heard how much money I have Now they call me ugly and poor. (Heard a long time ago, couldn't find source)"

"Did you know Hitler didn't like to eat meat? He was a vegetaryan."

"Seriously, this is the last time I trust a baby with firearms."

"I got a case of beer for my wife! It was a good trade!"

"A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the hole and she was happy with the thing."

"My wife's favorite position is the one where I lie very still wearing nothing but a toe tag and she starts dating again."

"[Chumbawumba concert] I get knocked down, but I get up again.. [whack-a-mole just goin nuts in the crowd] ""Aw hell yeah!"""

"Just saw a dog with three legs. He did have a fourth leg, but he also had three legs."

"date: so wat do u wana do next me: why dont we slip into somthing more...convertible [climbs into ferrari] date: omg wow is this ur car me: no"

"You wouldn't believe how many laws I'm obeying right now"