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Joke of the Day

"When I jerk off I'm not a fancy restaurant about it, I'm more like McDonalds Fast, easy, and you don't have to get out of the car"

"I knew early on my marriage was doomed. I'm a Virgo and she's a bitch..."

"Did you hear about the two peanuts that got lost in the bad neighborhood last night? One was assulated, the other was shelled."

"What did the jealous prostitute say at the orgy? Don't blow this for me."

"Sir this bag is too heavy, you'll have to pay an extra $25 to check it. Sure thing *dumps 2500 pennies from bag onto counter*"

"I've found out why gay people dress so well... It's because they spent so much time in the closet."

"Why did the hipster burn his mouth on his coffee? Because he was drinking it before it was cool"

"Did you hear the one about the woman who went on a fishing trip with 7 guys... ...and came home with a big red snapper?"

"I keep my porn in the oven! My wife will never find it there!"

"What did the pirate say when he had a steering wheel down his pantaloons? Arr! It's driving me nuts!"