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Joke of the Day

"- Michelle, we must break up... - Oh, I'll kill myself! - That's a nice bonus. Thank you!"

"Boss: Is that beer? You're not supposed to drink at work! Me: You're not supposed to cheat on your wife. Boss: You're doing a great job."

"Why is it called an XBox One? Because when you see it, you spin one degree and walk away."

"I think I hear burglars dear. Are you awake? No!"

"My gf was complaining about how difficult anal was... I told her ""It's only as hard as you make it"""

"Why doesn't the Mormon Church have a Tour De France team?"

"I'm never buying a fish fryer from Linkin Park ever again. I fried so hard, and got sole far, but in the end it doesn't even batter!"

"My dad is like the Michael Jordan of dads. He has a serious gambling problem."

"My girlfriend's not up for being fisted tonight. I guess I'll just put my feet up."

"God: Women will bleed for a week. Universe: What will men do for pleasure at that time? God: *sigh* Fine. Mouths. But they'll talk. A lot."