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Joke of the Day

"My dad is like the Michael Jordan of dads. He has a serious gambling problem."

"Still trying to figure out how to compliment a woman's skin without sounding like I want to wear it"

"How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree? You wave :)"

"[The Second Coming] Jesus:""People of the Earth! I have returned with news of God's love an-"" Voice from the crowd:""DO THE WINE TRICK"""

"I'm so glad I'm old enough to know what's bad for me and young enough to do it. "

"Did you know that a person born under caesarean section is not eligble to run for presidency? Yeah, they're not a natural-born citizen."

"The first thing I do when someone introduces themselves to me is forget what their name is."

"How did OJ respond when his son asked to borrow the car? >Only if you go aks your mother."

"To avoid being raped when I am in jail... I stick a tube of toothpaste up my ass for complete cavity protection."

"What is E.T. short for? So he can fit into his spaceship."