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Joke of the Day

"A man went to see his doctor ""You need to stop masturbating"" said the doctor. ""Why?"" asked the man. The doctor replied ""Because I'm trying to examine you!"""

"Be serious with unknown girls. Boy: The principal is so dumb! Girl: Do you know who I am? Boy: No... Girl: I am the principal's daughter! Boy: Do you know who I am? Girl: No... Boy: Good! *walks away*"

"My blonde gf thinks... My blonde gf thinks that USB is a back up plan just in case USA fails."

"What did the baby say to its mother after breastfeeding? Thanks for the mammaries!"

"Dad: Do you know Dop Ted? Son: What's Dop Ted? Dad: You are! Son: Good one, Dad! Dad: I'm not your dad! \_()_/ "

"What do you call a Slavic spouse? Czech-mate"

"What's up? the ceiling"

"I like to get up early on Sundays, have my coffee, watch the sunrise, and pretend everyone else died of polio."

"Why do they call c-section the caesarian? Because when brutus stabbed caeser A baby fell out. Original shit *drops the mic"

"How did Ellen Pao get her job as CEO or Reddit? [Deleted]"