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Joke of the Day
"Who has two thumbs and a concealed identity? Disguise!"
Next Joke
"Every day Sunny Leone creates history... Then we have to go to Settings and delete that History."
"They should make supermarket camouflage. So people you know won't see you and want to talk to you."
"What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas? Forty feet of track - all straight!"
"[Picking up girls] Me: you like bad boys, huh? Girls: yea Me to my wing man: tell them Wing man: he's just literally the worst"
"To ensure my wife misses me while I'm away, I changed her text notification to the sound of a door creaking open & message her at midnight."
"What is the cheapest kind of meat you can buy? Deer balls, they're under a buck."
"What do you call someone who spends the whole time on their phone whenever you hang out? A phoney friend!"
"Hey guys I need some help. My assignment's asking how would humans function without their brain. I can't think of anything..."
"My mother always said, ""Pick your clothes up off the floor, I'm not your maid."" When I went to college the dorm had a maid who told us, ""Pick your clothes up off the floor, I'm not your mother."""