5465
Joke of the Day
"New phone My sister got an Iphone 5c. I asked if I could C it she said ""No"" so I said SIRI ously"
Next Joke
"What's worse than having a screaming child on your hands? Having half a screaming child on your hands."
"My friend was bleeding, and the first aid book told me to apply pressure... ..So I told him if he didn't stop bleeding right away, he'd die"
"Nobody I'll change my facebook username to NOBODY so that way when people post crappy posts,and i press the like button it will say NOBODY likes this"
"My favorite Caesar quote. ""Pizza! Pizza!"""
"Companies should make camouflage condoms... So they never see you comin"
"Never in the history of unlimited data plans has someone gone through their significant others phone and gotten happier"
"I threw an Asian man down a flight of stairs. It was Wong on so many levels."
"I'm ONLY remembering to drink fluids because you told me to. NOT because fluids are literally the only thing you CAN drink, KAREN."
"I say hi to my dog about 600 times per day."