26791

Joke of the Day

"Mom She gave me life She gave me love She gave me sarcasm She gave me the ability to cut brake lines so that it looks like an accident."

"Got a new car for my girlfriend, best trade I ever made."

"My dad smeared glue all over his Uzi, and he say's his Glock is next. He can't be talked out of it. He's sticking to his guns."

"My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating. I asked him why and he replied, ""Because I'm trying to examine you."""

"What do you call a sheepdog's tail that can tell tall stories ? A shaggy dogs tale !"

"I live in constant fear of accidentally mentioning something I only know about you because I've stalked you on the internet."

"""Let's tell people about our waffle and then not do shit for 100 years."" -Belgium"

"What do you call a white person on fire? A firecracker."

"Knock knock... Who's there? *sigh* Mormons..."

"I go to a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50."