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Joke of the Day

"What does a pirate say when he turns 80? Aye matey!"

"[Boss' office] ""You're late AGAIN."" Drove back for my phone. ""Why do need it at work?"" It's all I do. ""WHAT?"" I said, IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU."

"My therapist told me today that I need to stop talking to inanimate objects, but I mean he's just a lamp so what does he really know anyway"

"Woke up to find a cruise ship parked right outside my hotel window. well if you think this is going to make me put on clothes you're wrong."

"What do four out of five guys love to do? Gang-rape."

"What's the difference between jam and jelly? I can't jelly my dick up your ass. hey-yo!"

"The problem with seducing someone via text, is you sometimes end up wrapping your warm moth, or mother around his troubling clock"

"Me: No, you hang up first Pizza Hut: *click*"

"What is 6.9? Great sex interrupted by a period."

"Q: What do you do with a wombat? A: You play wom with it."