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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Hitler and Michael Phelps? Michael Phelps can finish a race..."

"What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby? You take your boots off to jump on a trampoline."

"What's the difference between a biscuit and a monster? You can dip a biscuit in your tea but a monster is too big to fit in the cup."

"Brazil now has a new fool proof condom for Brazilian Men... It is shaped like a goalpost, so nothing of brazilian origin can get through!"

"[first date] I'm really nervous about this. It's been a long time since I've [holds fork up and squints] used silverware."

"What is the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly? Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows."

"Look, I'm not running a charity here, and if I was I'd be too busy embezzling money to help people."

"A penguin walks into a bar and asks ""has my brother been in here?"" The bartender says ""I don't know, what does he look like?"""

"I'm even late for work when I work from home"

"Watching X-Men. Hard to believe that all this stuff actually happened."