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Joke of the Day

"Look, I'm not running a charity here, and if I was I'd be too busy embezzling money to help people."

"First Spaceman: I'm hungry. Second Spaceman: So am I it must be launch time !"

"I like my men like I like my coffee... I don't like coffee."

"I said I wouldn't go drinking in public again, but here I am waiting for my kids to get out of school."

"Dad: Tall latte Barista: Sure thing. Can I get a name? Dad: What your parents didn't give you one? *all the other dad's give him high fives*"

"I got in trouble with my date for not opening the car door for her... Instead I just swam for the surface"

"TOP TEN REASONS WHY BEER IS BETTER THAN RELIGION"

"""No thanks, I filled up on breadsticks."" - Eve to the Serpent in the Olive Garden of Eden"

"What do you call it when you forgot to use mouthwash, and it kills an otherwise pleasant evening? A ""no scope"""

"Anyone who says ""good morning"" on a Monday is a sociopath."