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Joke of the Day
"My exercise routine is a running joke."
Next Joke
"A rule for myself that's worked my entire life: when you hear the garage door open, put your penis away."
"You're like pizza at a Chinese buffet. I ain't feeling you but I see you over there, doing you, and I respect that."
"What do you call it when a chameleon can't change colors? reptile disfunction"
"""For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.."" - Newton's Law ""Shredded cabbage and carrot make a great salad."" - Cole's Law"
"Sometimes I sit on my hand till it's numb so it feels like someone else is googling my name"
"Dress for the job you want, not the job you have. I came to work naked. I want to be a porn star. Now I'm just unemployed."
"My reaction to Kit Kat prices: $1 good deal. $1.25 ok. $1.50 whoa. $1.75 what are we at the OPERA?!"
"Wanna freak people out? Lick your fingertips when you finish pumping gas."
"So i recently came over my ex... Hit her right in the eye! Sorry."