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Joke of the Day

"You're like pizza at a Chinese buffet. I ain't feeling you but I see you over there, doing you, and I respect that."

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"I'm pretty sure the phrase ""sleep tight"" originated in prison"
"Why were the welder and stoner such good friends? They both love to spark up joints."
"You're lifting weights dude, you're not in labor. Settle down."
"I always read r/creepy when i poop It scares the shit outa me..."
"What do you call an upside-down ""W""? An M-poster"
"What's the difference between Jews and Pizza? Pizzas don't scream when you put them in the oven."
"""Bear with me for a minute."" - Russian guy providing an airtight alibi for his criminal bear friend."
"I was in a bad place when my girlfriend broke up with me. A brothel."
"Where does a librarian sleep? Between the covers. I will now show myself to the door."