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Joke of the Day

"What did the french butter say when it got stocked in the cooler? Beurre... I came up with this today while grocery shopping. I'm ridiculously pleased with myself."

"What do you call Trump and Hillary buried up to their necks in sand? Progress"

"Hope is a single man's game... A married man can't get none ""I hope she ain't mad"" she is. ""I hope I get head tonight"" you won't. ""I hope I'm not in trouble"" you are."

"What's the most awkward aspect of bar-tending at an internet cafe? You have to deal with people who forget to close their tabs."

"What's long, dark, hard and grotesque but very satisfying to beat? Bloodborne"

"Guess how I spell distraction? R-E-D-D-I-T"

"My son laughed at a ceiling fan for 45 minutes in case any studio execs are wondering how to reach his demographic."

"So I told my girlfriend... ""Hey, wanna try anal?"" She lost her shit on me."

"How does Harry Potter get down a hill? By running. J.K! Rowling."

"RIP time spent on Twitter."