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Joke of the Day

"How to be cool: A) use cool sunglasses emoji in everything B)"

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"3.14% of sailors are... -rates."
"A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub.. She says ""Show me it's true what they say about black men"". So he stabs her and takes her purse."
"I love dying from sneezing 11 times in a row and being defibrillated back to life with a 12th"
"Why does it take longer to make a snow woman than a Snowman? Because you have to hollow out the head."
"If you traded your windowless van for an ice cream truck or a big red sleigh you would triple your child kidnappings."
"The spider in my shower was probably relieved to get washed down the drain after the view of me he got from that angle."
"How did ""El Chapo"" escape prison? Joaquin."
"Give me coffee to change the things I can change and wine to accept the things I can't."
"I'll never be friends with the girl who brings a bottle of sparkling water to the gym."