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Joke of the Day

"Me: Bless me father for I have sinned... Priest texting me back: I already told you, I'm not absolving u of your sins unless you come in."

"What did one saggy boob say to the other? If we don't get support soon, people will think we are nuts."

"Accordion to studies... Most people don't replace the first word of a sentence with an instrument"

"An MIT grad, a Harvard alum and a teenager that just got released from juvenile hall are all working at a Starbucks. ..."

"So a woman asked me how I view lesbianism the other day... Apparently ""in HD"" was not an acceptable answer."

"What keeps fish from flying of Niagara Falls? They don't have a pilots license."

"Why don't spies meet at bars. The beer is tapped. (Please develop this joke. I made it up last night whilst drinking, but nobody laughed.)"

"girl [smiling]: hey, how are you!? me [visibly nervous]: not much!"

"Just made an annoying kid shut right up by making a throat slash gesture. So I guess you could say I'm like a child whisperer."

"Sexy is when a woman is hot enough to flaunt it but chooses not to."