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Joke of the Day

"Just made an annoying kid shut right up by making a throat slash gesture. So I guess you could say I'm like a child whisperer."

"TIFU by reposting Just kidding. You fuckers love reposts."

"How do nudists greet each other? With a bare hug."

"When the Williams sisters' play against each other, who sits in Venus's box? Old Dick i.e. Richard Williams, her dad"

"I proposed to my Mexican girlfriend but she said... I wasn't the Juan."

"What do you call a religious man with low pH? An acidic Jew."

"Three-legged dog A three-legged dog walks into a saloon and says to the bartender, ""I'm lookin' fer the guy who shot my paw."""

"A friend was telling me about quantum mechanics and I told her how I hate it when the safety seal on ketchup leaves that clear film behind."

"How do you prepare a Gorilla sundae? Your start getting it ready Fridae and Saturdae!"

"New documentary about the female menstrual cycle. Available exclusively at Redbox."