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Joke of the Day

"So a woman asked me how I view lesbianism the other day... Apparently ""in HD"" was not an acceptable answer."

"""Mr. President, you have some Updog in east Syria."" ""What's Updog?"" ""[unfurls projector screen] Updog is a military terrorist organizati"

"Netflix is making a documentary on the upcoming presidential inauguration. They're calling it ""Orange is the New Black""."

"Did you hear about the Lord Of The Rings and Taxi Driver fanatic who had a bit of a stutter? He said to his friend, ""Jay, R, R you Tolkein to me?"""

"A police officer just knocked on my door... and told me my dogs were chasing people on bikes. Pfft, my dogs don't even own bikes, idiot."

"Met a girl at a party and asked if she wanted to go back to my place and hang out. She said she wasn't a whore I said I wasn't offering to pay"

"Based on Trump's History, if elected, he is likely to get divorced and remarried while in the White House It will be ""Marriage Apprentice"" White House Edition"

"What do Chinese people call Chinese food? Food."

"Why can't the bishop walk straight? Cause he can only move diagonally"

"How many Deadheads (Grateful Dead fans) does it take to change a lightbulb? No one knows, they wait for it to burn out and follow it around for twenty years."