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Joke of the Day

"Customer: ""I'm running Windows '95."" Tech: ""Yes."" Customer: ""My computer isn't working now."" Tech: ""Yes you said that."""

"My dentist asked me if I had a problem with my gums bleeding. You'd have to be really laid back to not have a problem with that."

"My wife has just walked out the door with the kids for good because of my addiction to horse racing. In fact, I can see them now they're all at the gate and they're off!"

"What are the odds of a chronic gambler ever calling the addiction-helpline? No seriously, I've got $100 riding on this."

"How do you get Pikachu on a bus? You poke 'em on!"

"Hi, you've reached my voicemail. Send me a text like a normal person."

"Remember how they used to call Bill Cosby ""America's Dad""? No fucking wonder most of the country has daddy issues."

"[meets a cute girl from Scotland] ""Ummm hi your people make fantastic tape"""

"[bedtime] brain: hey remember that lost episode where the couple gets paralyzed DO THOSE SPIDERS LIVE NEAR US me: SLEEP brain: NO, GOOGLE IT"

"My phone just replaced the word ""killed"" with ""kilt."" Well plaid, phone... Well plaid."