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Joke of the Day

"Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? because she'll let it go"

"""I gave that guys wife a pearl necklace"" -Oysters"

"wife: Why is 9 crying? me: Because it's raining and he's getting wet wife: But we're at a water park me *takes a drink from my flask* Yep"

"I'll kiss a close talker just to teach them a lesson."

"""You know where you are? You're in the jungle, baby. You gonna DIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!! ...Only Kidding! Welcome to Red Lobster, party of 2?"""

"What did russian judge say to the jury? I better stop Stalin for time and Putin a little more effort."

"A super villain gently petting a carpet sample instead of a cat."

"What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved."

"My son touched my leg & said ""so soft!"" Then he asked for his IPad back & I gave it to him. Girls aren't exactly rocket science, guys."

"I tripped over some stupid plant so I gave it the finger and walked in a circle around it because I wasn't sure where its stupid eyes were."