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Joke of the Day

"Hi, you've reached my voicemail. Send me a text like a normal person."

"What's the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani elementary school? I don't know, I just fly the drone!"

"Second date tip: repeat everything you said on the first date, word for word."

"Yes, I'd like to return this pizza ""is there a problem, sir?"" *opens box* ITS GOT NO TOPPINGS ON ""sir, you've opened the box upside-down"""

"Say what you will about human beings, but we did invent ice cream."

"What did the bunny say when he only had thistles to eat? Thistle have to do!"

"What did the Networking manager tell his assistant about working late? Tell my wifi won't be home for dinner."

"Dear Diary: Day 1 of being a gang member. Wore a bandana today, but took it off after a woman shouted ""you go girl!"" from across the street."

"I've developed a phobia of elevators. I'm taking steps to avoid them."

"How will Trump fund the wall? He'll get the money from *wall* street"