25028

Joke of the Day

"Taught a parrot to repeatedly say ""WHERE ARE YOUR GLOVES?"" and now I don't have to talk to my kids until Spring so that's pretty cool."

"How can you tell that a straight pin is confused? Just look at it. It's headed in one direction and pointed in the other."

"This cashier looked at my 12 bottles of weed spray so weirdly, I suspect she's never broken a lawnmower before."

"The lords army. Chad: My brother, why don't you join the lords army? Bob: I'm already their. Chad: I don't see you on Sundays... Bob: I'm in the secret service."

"Judge: You're out of order! Lawyer: This whole court room is out of order! *I burst in* Me: THE VENDING MACHINE IN THE LOBBY IS OUT OF ORDER"

"I like camping but... it's so in tents"

"Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked."

"My favorite part of Avatar was when Queen Amidala defeated the Klingons by helping Harry Potter & Legolas destroy the White Witch's ring?"

"Cannibal kid... ...is walking home, chanting: ""I'm hungry, hungry, hungry!"" Half an hour later, he leaves the house, chanting: ""I'm an orphan, an orphan, an orphan!"""

"2 reasons not to drink toilet water: Number 1 and number 2."